This one's for you.

I only write when I'm at some sort of emotional extreme, like confusion, sadness, peace, excitement, or desperation. Right now I'm actually pretty okay though. Life sucks sometimes. GREAT. It does for everyone. Time to start working on getting over it. Here's what I found that helps:

• BLAST THE MUSIC. Nothing gets me pumped like cranking up some Mumford and Sons, Yellowcard, and maybe a little Macklemore. This works especially well if you're home alone. Dance.
• Eat healthy things. Apparently it's been proven healthy things make you happy and unhealthy things make you depressed. This is the hardest one for me. I <3 calories.
• Go for a run/walk. I avoid physical exertion just as much as the next stereotypical American, but sometimes I force myself to get out there and get tired, and it is soooo good. The more you do it, the more you love it. 
• Don't be alone for too long. Spending the entire day by myself kills everything happy inside of me. And sometimes the longer I'm alone, the less I want to be with other people. Never give in! Find a friend. Go over to someone's place. Do it. Do it naooo.
• Mirror time. This one's weird. But sometimes when I'm sad I just go in the bathroom and look in the mirror and talk or smile or dance. And it totally helps. No lie.
• Service. Pretty simple. Forget yourself and make somebody else happy!
• Dress up. Look great, feel great. It's real. Working a million hours a week in food service, I take every opportunity I can to look fly outside of work. Work it.
• Fill your time. Nothing kills my energy like sitting around eating  and watching tv. I can go for several hours like that, basically in a physical and emotional coma, and I won't want to do anything else. Then I can't fall asleep at night and it just messes me up for days. Stay pleasantly involved in multiple things that you enjoy. But take breaks, too. Start a blog, if you have to. Helped me.

And last, but definitely not least,

• Don't forget about the Man upstairs. He's there, He's real, and He loves you. Sometimes that knowledge is the only thing that keeps me sane. Goshdangit, you are never alone. God created you, and he knows you. More than anyone else in the world, He wants you to be happy, and He's going to help you as much as He can. As much as you let Him. 

This post has taken me a while to finish for a number of reasons, but I hope you like it. I know I don't blog very much, but when I do, it makes me feel pretty good. 

Hey, in case I don't see you for a while, have a great Christmas. This is my favorite time of year, and if it's not yours, you might be doing it wrong :) 

"I've got nothing to do today but smile." - Paul Simon

Back to the Grinder

Been a while. Feels good to back, though. Life's been a titch bit crazy lately, and I can't see it getting much better in the next while. School's in session once again, so any time I post on here you can guess that it's probably because I'm putting off homework. Not always, though, mom.

I got promoted at work! Shift supervisor, for the win. For those of you who don't know (which you should by now), I work at a beautifully delicious placed called Cafe Zupas, and I love it. And we're opening one up in Minneapolis, so if you're reading this from good ole MN, starting in January I will be hounding you all to get your butts down there. Never thought I'd get this much job satisfaction from working in the food business.

I miss Europe.

I went rock climbing on Saturday. Like, real life rock climbing. First time ever! It was in Rock Canyon, and we camped out the night before to better get an early start. The camping part was... interesting, to say the least. Among other things, it rained until about 3:30 in the morning and the tent did not succeed in keeping it all out. But yeah. CLIMBING. So worth the struggles of the previous night. The weather was perfect and I didn't die. Loved it. What a workout.

Long legs are a beautiful advantage in climbing, turns out.

Well, that's it for me tonight. Keeping it sweet. Have a wonderful week, everybody! I love you all. God loves you all. Peace out.

"For what are men to rocks and mountains?" - Pride and Prejudice

My Mormon Scandal (among other things)

Got back Saturday from a phenomenal week at an LDS young single adult conference called Festinord. It's been around for decades, and originally only youth from the nordic (northern European) countries would attend, but in recent years its fame has spread basically worldwide. I met people from England, France, Estonia, China, and even Slovenia.

I loved it. 

First day there, I knew about 5 people out of the 600 attendees, and I wasn't tight with any of them. I was terrified that the week was going to turn into one of those things where I'd just drift along, not really fitting in, playing the part of the loner against the wall. It's happened before. Much to my surprise, I started making friends quite literally the minute I got there and I didn't stop till the minute I left. The people were awesome! Rarely ever does one get the chance to associate with so many people from such varied cultural backgrounds as I did at Festinord. 

The days were long and filled with workshops, sports, activities, and music. We'd get back to our rooms around 1:30 a.m. and breakfast would begin at 8 (and if you're a good person you'd to go to the optional morning institute at 7:30. Needless to say, I did not.) John Bytheway, a celebrated Mormon author/comedian/motivational speaker attended and gave multiple devotionals, which were each fantastic, fun, and spiritual. We had dances every night, each lasting an average of 5 1/2 hours. Holy crap, those were tiring, but I still enjoyed them.  Most of the time, I just danced in a group with my homies, busting some fresh moves and all that, but sometimes, a guy would get the nerve up to actually ask me to dance with him... which brings me to this delightfully disturbing little story.

It's Friday night, the last dance of the week, and I'm on the floor putting all my remaining energy into rocking my body and partying like it's 1999, when I am made aware that tables with treats have been place at the back of the room. Naturally, I immediately abandon the group and head to the sugar. I grab a candy bar, and a voice next to me goes, "You deserve it. I've seen you out there dancing. You're good." I look up; he's looking at me. I say, "Thank you. Um, I'm sure you deserve your candy too. But, like, I haven't seen you dancing so I guess I don't know." I am obviously not as smooth as this guy. 

"I'm pretty good, don't worry," he says.

"I have no reason to believe you," I reply.

"I would like to prove it. Will you dance with me when you finish your candy bar?" he asks.

"Yes. But I'm probably gonna be better than you."
"It's a competition, then."

We continue to talk, and I find out he's American like me, and graduated from BYU. The fact that he's already out of school makes me a little nervous, since that means he's probably a bit old for me, but I don't think too much of it. A few minutes later, he leads me to the floor, and proceeds to thoroughly show me up with his superior dancing skills. When the song is over, he graciously says, "I think we tied." I give some sort of disbelieving snort and we part ways. I see him a few minutes later talking to one of my friends. The evening continues uneventfully, until eventually I go outside to cool down with some other girls, including the one Twinkle Toes was talking to earlier. We'd been outside a few minutes when the same girl asks, "So how's your 45-year-old boyfriend?" I say I don't understand what she's talking about, so she says, "That guy you were dancing with before. Yeah... he's 45."

Um...

Uh...

FORTY-FIVE YEARS OLD?? He was old enough to be my dad! He could have fathered 8 children by now! What's worse, the age limit for the conference was 30! He lied about his age at registration! I was utterly and completely scandalized. I mean honestly, what kind of guy hits on a girl well over 20 years his junior at a religious convention!? Jeez Louise. I'm still disturbed about it. And in my defense, he did look pretty old, but not THAT old. I just assumed he was one of those poor guys who aged prematurely.
Yech. Blech. Blehhh. This is why I wish magic existed. I could obliviate that memory right out of my head.

Excluding that major incident, though, my week was a blast and a half. I didn't want it to end, but alas, Saturday arrived and goodbyes were said, and I returned to the family I'd been staying with prior to Festinord. Then on Sunday night, I left Sweden for good. Took the midnight train to Stockholm, and then a ferry across the sea to Turku, Finland. I'll miss the land of the Swedes, but I'm excited to explore more of this continent. EVERYONE needs to go abroad at some point. Trust me. Go. Now.

K bye.

"The world is a book and all those who do not travel read only one page." -- Augustine of Hippo

On Top of the World

I'm still in Europe, but I got sick of "The Euro-diaries" as a title.

Hello, everyone. It is currently the middle of the night here, the wind is blowing fiercely, and I'm crossing my fingers for a late night thunderstorm to seal the ending of a blissful day.

It's Midsummer's Eve! There'd still be some light in the sky if it weren't for the clouds, I'd wager. For those of you who don't know, this holiday is a pretty big deal for Nordic people. I don't know the whole history or anything, but in a nutshell, they celebrate the longest day of the year. People get drunk, dance, have parties, eat a lot, all that jazz. It was great!

My work is going just swimmingly, but laboring in the sun for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week can take a hefty toll. Most days all I wanna do when I get home is eat and sleep, but I persevere. I'm so glad I'm getting to experience both being in Sweden and doing this gardening/landscaping job. One of my goals in life is to just experience as much as I possibly can. First of all, it expands your mind and looks really good on a resume. But even better, when I'm old, I'll have a crap-ton of stories to tell my grandchildren.

Tomorrow we're going hiking on these beautiful cliffs on the shoreline, and then we're going to this cool desing-y shop called Iittala that my mother just loves, and I'm way stoked. Even here in the farm country area of Sweden, there are so many awesome things to do and see!

I love you all for reading this, and I miss all my buds back in the States! Word out. Stay tuned. Exciting things happening in the near future!

The Euro-diaries: Utfart?

So I've arrived in Sweden... Sweden, where the light switches are backward, the cars are nicer, the cities are older, the people are blonder, and where utfart means driveway. 

The getting here was very fun, let me tell you. That was sarcasm. Actually, it wasn't so bad for most of it. I rode Delta for the first 9 1/2 hours of flight. It was very nice; they fed us a lot and we had a whole huge selection of movies and music we could choose from on our own little screens. I sat next to this nice girl from Berlin and we talked a while. Problem was, I talked and watched movies the whole time and never got tired enough to sleep. And it was an overnight flight. Oops. So then I had a 6 hour layover in Paris, which could have been enough time to go downtown, but knowing myself, I would have gotten lost and never would have made it back in time to catch my connecting flight. So I wandered around in the airport a bit and then sat in a chair and slept, resting my head on my somewhat uncomfortable carry-on.

Next, I flew Air France into Copenhagen, where I took a train over the sea to a town called Lund, Sweden.

 

Someone from the family I'm staying with was supposed to pick me up from there and take me to their house in Barseback, about a 20 minute drive. I'd been given their phone number, and I was to call when I got to Lund and they'd be sure to pick me up. Here's where the real problems started. 

Problem #1: I'd bought an international SIM card for my phone, but it wasn't working.

Problem #2: The pay phone wasn't accepting my credit card and I had no Swedish money.

Problem #3: The number didn't work on the phones I borrowed from other people (I think I was doing the area code wrong).

Problem #4: There were no buses to Barseback.

Problem #5: I took a taxi, but he didn't know that town very well so we couldn't find the house until we asked like 3 people off the streets where it was.

Problem #6: When I got there (close to midnight Friday), I found out they weren't expecting me until the next night, so they already had things planned out of town starting early the next morning.

I elected to remain in town, seeing as I'd gotten very little sleep the night before. They told me I could use/eat anything in the house, and that there was a beach a few kilometers away. And by beach they meant the sea. So today, after a substantial amount of sleep, I went to the sea, all alone, and had a wonderful time of it.

There's a castle a few kilometers (still getting used to the change in measurement words) up the road, apparently. I haven't seen it yet, and the father of the family I'm staying with says you can't get very close unless you want to get shot. I don't know what that's about, but I'm itching to find out.

Tomorrow for church I'm going to some Nordic conference being broadcast from Stockholm, where the prophet was supposed to be, but they're having to record his talk because of the recent death of his wife, Francis. So that'll be cool. Then on Monday I start work. Yippee!

I found my people, guys. Everyone here is blonde and pale. I belong!

The Euro-diaries: Prologue

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour. 

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

-- Robert Frost

I first read this poem in eighth grade, when it was included in the book we read called The Outsiders, and for some reason I've had it memorized ever since. It's slightly depressing but also kind of optimistic. Basically it's saying yeah, it kinda sucks when flowers turn to leaves and the sun gets all the way up there. But aren't leaves and sunshine wonderful in their own way? Nothing gold can stay, but that doesn't mean different gold things won't follow it. Just some food for thought.

Now to the REAL point of this post. I'M GOING TO EUROPE IN 3(ish) DAYS. Holy mother that's so soon. I'm for sure gonna write about it. And take pictures. Gyahhh it's not real in my mind. I haven't thought a bit about packing yet. I don't know the first thing about what to bring on these kinds of expeditions.

So the first month isn't gonna be too eventful. Just some landscaping in Sweden for an old friend of my mother. But then I'm visiting Finland and Germany and hopefully France, and it's all gonna be fan-freaking-tastic. I'll maybe keep an update on here of all my exciting doings. I'll call it "The Euro-diaries." It'll be a great read, I promise. Or at least I hope. Yeah. AH.

Not gonna lie, I'm a little bit sad about leaving right now. A bunch of new people moved into my apartment complex for the summer, and it's just a great group. I've already made some cool friends, and I'm sad I won't be able to get to know them very well. I'll get back and there'll be like 3 weeks left to the summer and everyone will already be best friends with each other. Sad day. Oh well. I'd rather do this than stay home, hands down.

So I guess what I'm really trying to say is, goodbye and STAY TUNED! Exciting things are happening. I can't wait to experience new cultures and learn new languages and eat real chocolate (sorry Hershey's) and meet awesome people!

Wish me luck :)

In every single way.

I need to talk about beauty, but I don't really know how. I don't want to repeat those cliche phrases, like, "We're all beautiful in some way," or, "It's what's inside that counts," but really, it's true. I cannot stress this enough.

Here is what I know: everyone is different. We have different personalities, different likes, and different dislikes.
Someone dislikes you. That is a fact. Maybe they think you're annoying, maybe they envy you, maybe they don't like the way you talk or look or sneeze or laugh or think or breathe. You can't live without offending someone. So get over it. You can't base your self-image on the opinions of others, because everyone has a different opinion about you. Everyone has a different opinion about everything and so just as you are inevitably disliked by someone, you are also inevitably loved by someone else. You are you, and someone loves that about you. Who, you ask? Here's a hint: most often, you're loved by the people you love. So the moral of that story is love more, and you will be more loved.
Okay, so maybe you're thinking, "Cool. I know I'm loved, my mommy tells me that every day. I don't have to be beautiful for my mother to love me. But what if I'm too ugly for someone to fall in love with me, like in a romantic way? What about that, Rina?"
Here's the thing. It all goes back to my bit about perspective and opinion. We all have 'em, and we all have 'em differ'nt. For example, I do not find Chris Hemsworth attractive, but I have a friend that positively drools over him. So just because one person or even a lot of people find you ugly, that does not mean everyone will. And the people that think you are aren't worth it. You. Are. Unique. You are not boring, you are not ugly. So stop it. Stop doubting yourself and just get out there and be you, because if there's one thing at which you're amazing, it's being yourself. You want to attract attention? Don't try to be like everyone else. Plain and simple.
I can go on about this for ages, you know. As it is, I have one last argument I'd like to present before I close up, perhaps the most critical of them all. And that is that you were created by a loving Heavenly Father who is perfect and never makes mistakes. He made you the way you are for a reason. Every time you degrade yourself, you're saying, "God, your work was not good enough." ...Are you for real? Do you really think you know better than an omniscient God?
I'm working on this, too. Of course I have self doubts. If I didn't, I would not be human. The thing is, we all have flaws. Everyone we love has flaws. Someone's gonna fall in love with you, not because you're perfect, but because you're perfect for them. So get out there and do your thing, and don't let nobody get you down.

"Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it." -- Confucius (You can't argue with Confucius. So there.)

I Knew You Were Trouble

"Just a series of blurs, like I never occurred. Someday you will be loved." -- Death Cab

I was thinking about heartbreak and how much it sucks, and then I thought: Taylor Swift must have the worst life in the world-- assuming all her songs are actually based on real life experiences. She's been through all that? Crud. And then she tries to mend herself by writing songs, but instead of deriving happiness from her consequent fame, she gets a pile of empty money and a bunch of annoying people that want to know everything about her. And men that probably only date her so they can be immortalized by her next hit single. So let it be known: I do not envy Taylor Swift.

HA I bet you guys saw the title and the picture and read the first paragraph and figured I was gonna talk about love and other nasty things like that the whole time like I tend to do, but you thought wrong! Because really, life is not all about that, sillies.


You guys, I love my job. I love the people there. I love making delicious things that people enjoy. And I want the world to know!
For those who are not aware, I work at Cafe Zupas, which is a fairly young restaurant chain that sells delectable soups, salads, sandwiches, and desserts. It's a classy mix between fast food and sit down service restaurants. We're only in Utah and Arizona right now, but just you wait-- in a few years, we'll be everywhere! Get pumped.
Working in customer service has really helped me further realize how much I value the happiness and contentment of others. I feel so good when Zupas customers tell me how much they like the food or how great it is that everyone there is so happy all the time. I've even begun to think of making a career out of food service. I love the idea of having a little diner or bakery of my own. I mean, if I'm getting this much job satisfaction from being a line server on minimum wage, how wonderful would it be to own something where I could sell what I want and decorate how I want and know that I accomplished something? It sounds amazing to me. So, I dunno, maybe I'll major in business or something. What matters is I found something I'm passionate about, and that is a great feeling. In my opinion, if I spend all my time doing something I don't love, then no matter how much money I'm making, it's not worth it. Money is not the only reward that means something, yo.

I am so blessed. If there was a theme in my adult life thus far, I think it would be that no matter what happens, and no matter how terrible my situation may be, there's always hope. Life will always turn around, but we kinda have to let it. We're like children that don't know how to drive, but for some reason we cling to the steering wheel when really we just need to let go and let the big guy drive because He's the only one tall enough to see over the dashboard. Sunday in church we had a lesson about the Lord's timing, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I just need to chill out. God knows what I want, and I gotta stop begging and start doing what He wants. That's it.
Over and out.

Empty Apartment

I wanna go somewhere. California, Minnesota, NYC, even Wyoming is fine. Just away. Right now it's snowing and I'm sitting on my couch in an empty apartment, listening to Mumford and Sons and looking at motorcycles on the internet. And I'm thinking, okay, it's Saturday. I don't have work. Why am I not doing something fantastic right now? Oh yeah, it's because I have no wheels and everyone else is busy accomplishing things. But you know what? It's fine. I feel like you're a happier person when you can be comfortable with only yourself for company. So I'm just going to enjoy the solitude. Maybe I'll meditate. Probably not though.

And so I've come to the end of a surprisingly phenomenal week. The beautiful weather took every good thing that happened to me and just amplified it ten times over. This recent snowy frigidness kind of put a damper on that, but it didn't totally eclipse the goodness that was this week. I now fully understand the meaning of the phrase, "When it rains, it pours." I had so many wonderful blessings dumped on me out of nowhere, I could barely sleep because I was so eager to experience the excitement of another day. But alas, all good things come to an end. In this case, the cold weather, a lack of sleep, and the existence of an unwanted little fiend called Cleaning Checks were some of the factors responsible for wrenching me out of the clouds and setting my feet back on the solid, unsympathetic dirt. Such is life.

Have you ever thought about what it would be like to go crazy? I guess you wouldn't notice it. In a lot of situations, insane people don't even realize they have a problem. What if there is some aspect of me that I think is perfectly common, but is actually totally abnormal and could one day manifest itself and get me locked up? How do I prevent that from happening? And sometimes, people really are normal, but then something traumatic happens to them and they snap and turn into serial killers and things like that. What if that happens to me? I only hope that in that situation I'd have sense enough to listen to the people I trust and seek help if they told me I needed it. So I guess I'd like to apologize ahead of time in case I ever go nutty and hurt any of you. Just know that the normal Rina never wanted that to happen.

Easter is right around the corner, and if you're not one to celebrate the resurrection of our Savior, at least take the time to appreciate the renewal of the life surrounding us. I know that for most of the people reading this, it's still snowy and nature is still asleep, but spring will come in good time. And I cannot wait.

As always, thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm well aware that I am a sap and a child at heart, but I think that's what makes me love life so much. So don't judge. Happy Easter!

"If you're lonely when you're alone, you're in bad company." -- Jean-Paul Sartre

Loving, learning

We want love to be this spectacular, wonderful thing. And sometimes it is. But what if it's not? What if it's one-sided, or forbidden, or misunderstood?

Unfortunately, I think that is the case a lot of the time. 

So why do those people just keep on loving? Because, as Tennyson says, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." 

Humans need to feel. It is in our nature to pick someone we think will make us happy and latch on. Why do you think love causes a wider range of emotions than pretty much any other thing or idea? Because it's important. We need it. So when we find someone we feel something for, we're hard-pressed to give them up, even when the odds are against us.

There's a song by the band Yes that goes: "owner of a lonely heart-- much better than an owner of a broken heart." Honestly, I don't think that's true. My roommates and I have talked about this, and they agree that even though they might have had their hearts broken, they still don't regret falling in love. It's because you learn so much when you put your heart on the line, and it just feels so real and good, even when that love might end up damaged or broken. "To love another person is to see the face of God" --Les Mis. Truly, our lives are shaped by those we love and those we don't, and those who love us and those who don't. 

I love a lot of people, but I don't think I've ever truly been in love. Sure, I  like this one guy a whole lot, but am I in love with him? What is love? (baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more) My understanding of it is that you truly love someone when their happiness is more important than your own. You think only of serving them and making them feel better. That's why mutual love works so well; the one takes care of the other, and vice versa. You can't mess around with this love business, it's dang important.

Just to be clear, I don't claim to have all the answers on this subject; in fact, when it comes to love, I am like a 6th grade violinist trying to play along with the Berlin Philharmonic. Essentially, I really don't know anything. This is all speculation and philosophy based on my minimal experience and the experiences of others.

But yeah, so those are some of the things I've been thinking about lately. 

"That's the thing about love-- it's not about deserving it or not. It just is." --Erin, roommate extraordinaire

Family!

I want you all to know how much I love my family. Individually. They are all such great examples to me! I had it so easy growing up. We hardly ever fought. I think the one family member I ever got mad at somewhat regularly was Tasha, and that was probably just because we're so close in age and we're too alike. And even then we got over our tiffs in like... 5 minutes. From what I hear that is not normal, especially in a big family. I have two really good friends (not gonna say names...) who are sisters, and man, they just go at it all the time. Like, if you can't even have peace and happiness in your home, where the heck are you gonna find it?

So congratulations, mom and dad! I don't know how you did it, but you managed to pull off having an incredibly non-temperamental family. I really hope I inherited that skill so I can implement it when I start a family.

I just cannot express how grateful I am for my family. I love where we're at right now, especially. I have two adorable little nieces (credit to Leila and Josh) that I can't get over! I thought life couldn't get any cuter after Cora was born, and then Esther popped out and it just DOUBLED! Gah. It's too much.

And then we welcomed Shauna into our family last year. She is great, and her and Clayton are just so happy together. So much love.

Lars as of yet remains single, but that's okay because we have this competition going on. We're sort of... racing... to see who can get engaged first. Is that bad? Probably. I mean it's not like we're gonna get married to the first person who asks just so we can win. Why would you ever think that? But still. Secretly I hope he beats me, because he needs it more than I do. He's an RM, what else does he have to live for besides finding a wife? Seriously.

Then there's Tasha. Tasha and Ben, Ben and Tasha. Treats and snoozin', snoozin' and treats. That's about it.
Haha no but really. Hey Ben, welcome to our crazy family. Though apparently his family's bonkers too, so it's all good. With that in mind, I can't wait to see how their children end up. It could either be intensely horrifying or unbearably cute.

I come next. Hey guys! Just letting you know, I AM single. I know lots of men will be happy to hear that.

Keely. Girl, just go out there and take over the world. Don't be bound by other people's expectations of you. Especially the ones about you being just like me. You're really not, and that is a wonderful thing. I mean,  you can aspire to be like the good parts of me, that's okay. But when people say, "Oh, you're just like Rina!" I give you permission to smack them upside the head. I know I wanted to do that sometimes when people said I was like Tasha. No offense Tish-tosh.

Can I tell you all how much I love my little brother Jens? He is the funniest kid. And holy crap is he a genius. I knew something was up when at the age of 2 he could recognize and say the name of like 100 countries just by looking at their flags. He's 12 now, so everyone be looking for his name in the papers starting in the next couple of years. It'll probably have something to do with curing cancer or making an affordable, energy-efficient hovercraft.

So, family, if you're reading this, I love you all. I can't wait to see where we are in the next ten years. The rest of us could all be married by then! Shoot that's weird.

If you haven't figured this out based on my other posts yet, I'm really quite pumped to fall in love, get married, and raise children of my own; however, I know that my thoughts are not God's thoughts, and He has the master plan. Although sometimes I just really wanna peek. 

"The greatest joys and the greatest sorrows we experience are in family relationships. The joys come from putting the welfare of others above our own. That is what love is. And the sorrow comes primarily from selfishness, which is the absence of love. The ideal God holds for us is to form families in the way most likely to lead to happiness and away from sorrow.” -- Henry B. Eyring

Life's lemons

Holy crap, our whole apartment has been super emotional recently. It's like fate decided to ruin all our happiness at the same time... that's one reason that I'd be totally fine being married now. No more roommate drama or having your heart crushed by men that don't like you back. I suppose marriage comes with its own problems, too. But still. Sometimes life sucks and the only thing you can do is curl up with junk food and a chick flick and wish your love life was as perfect as it is in the movies.

My life is amazing, don't get me wrong. It could be so, so much worse, and I am incredibly grateful that I have been blessed with the life I have. But aren't I allowed to get a little blue every once in a while? I think that showing a true range of emotions is good for the soul. I mean, why should I act happy all the time if that's not really how I feel all the time? Sometimes I just need to have a pity party, okay. Deal with it. Because if the guy I've liked for a while decides to chase after some other girl, I'm gonna react, and that's that. I'm not ashamed of my feelings. Being sad about things is not a weakness, you guys! It shows that you actually care about something. At least that's what I think. So judge me all you want, but I'm gonna eat my feelings and bash on men until I drop, and it's gonna be great.

Why do we lie to ourselves? Just a question. I really don't know the answer. It just seems ridiculous because we know we're gonna have to face the facts eventually and yet we continue to tell ourselves that it's all peachy and we'll figure things out later. Stupid human nature, always trying to screw us over.

Yay depressing blog posts! This thing felt really good to write. The blog's kinda my outlet, you know? Everyone needs a way to express their feelings. Some people write poetry, some people do martial arts, and I pour out my soul to random people on the internet. It's very effective, I suggest you try it.

Genius words right here by one of my fantastic roommates:
"You can have your feelings and eat them too." --Liz

Peace out everyone. Stay classy.

We are great.

Do you ever get down on yourself because you feel like you haven't made a big enough difference in the world or because you think no one cares about you? I'd like to tell you that that's ridiculous. Haven't you ever seen It's a Wonderful Life? That guy lived in a small town and ran a small business and made a small income, but look at the huge effect he had on people's lives! And you think that you can't have that same amount of influence? Well, think again.
I can guarantee you that when you were born your mother smiled. Because you were a cute little baby and you were hers. And now you've gotten bigger and uglier and maybe your mother doesn't smile at you anymore. She should. But even if she doesn't, there is someone who is smiling because He will never stop loving you. You're His, everyone in the world is His, and if you see someone that doesn't know that then smile at them so at least they know that one person cares.

I made a New Year's resolution. It's to be there for people more. Isn't there a song that says "everybody needs somebody to love"? Well, everybody needs somebody to love them back, too. And I want to be that person for somebody. First, I'm going to love myself. That's the hardest one because I know all my own faults, but I think the more you learn to love and forgive yourself, the more you can do the same for others.

Check out my sister and her husband at their wedding:

How much love must it take to pledge your life to another human being who is as sinful and flawed as you are? Yet we do it all the time, and most of the time it works out pretty swell. Isn't that beautiful? Humans are so great! Those two goons in the picture are probably the craziest people I've ever met, and their marriage is probably the cutest thing I've ever seen. I can't wait until I find someone who can know every aspect of my character and still love me more than life itself.

It took me a while to decide whether or not I was even going to post this. It represents a lot of the things that have been weighing on my mind lately, and I just kind of let loose my thoughts without a lot of structure or organization. I hope it makes sense, but if not, that's okay. I'll still love you.

"Where there is love there is life." -- Ghandi